The following is an essay of great length – long overdue and long in breadth – essay detailing necessary words for the events of last month. (This post was also delayed in a nod to the grave situation which occurred at UCLA yesterday).
For you, my dear faithful reader, I’ve decided to break down this post into sections and include a linked table of contents for your convenience if you’re only interested in certain parts. It’s over 4,500 words. Due to its length, long overdue status, and rewriting at multiple stages, this post has not been as heavily reviewed for grammatical errors and I apologize in advance for any brain farts. Feel free to contact me for revisions.
- The Student Affairs Affair (~2,600 words)
- All Hail to Alma Mater (~500 words)
- Words to the Wise (~1,100 words)
- Now What? (~260 words)
About a month ago, I published an equally long rhetoric pouring out my heart about what I had felt was a betrayal and what my peers would go on to describe as unjust.
You can read the post here, but know that I’ve edited it only twice – once for a typo and once to add the foot. Like my post at the end of last summer, I wrote in complete transparency. I certainly didn’t expect as much reaction and controversy as it garnered, but I will not remove or edit the post as a token of my integrity. I am, however, amending how I now feel about what happened.
I can only name one other time in my life where I’ve felt worse than the two weeks after my discovery. I didn’t want to attend any of the festivities that came with being a graduating senior. I struggled through three senior portraits (as subject and participant), end of year banquets, and a last week of classes while battling an overwhelming sense of worthlessness. Senior Dash I worked because I couldn’t swim – a white lie I pushed through clenched teeth – and I wanted to show Student Affairs I was still loyal and dedicated. They were out as a whole that night, volunteering their time to keep the student body safe. For the first time in recent history, we had zero medical calls and zero transports the last Thursday night of classes. But I was humiliated and screamed at by an inebriated senior after I picked up an inner tube that was lying in the open for someone to trip. I know his name and I could oust him, but I won’t stoop to that. I didn’t put up a fight anyways that night. Four years of event working taught me how to be civilized, and at least one person sympathized.
As if going through the stages of grief – denial I was rejected, anger at the process, bargaining to see why I was rejected, depression with the facts – I was reaching acceptance over the weekend after my original post.
Perhaps I didn’t reach the jury’s standards in accomplishment. My positions held never placed me in the upper echelons of my organizations (coordinator, not Vice President or president for RSG, editor not editor in chief for Daily Trojan and El Rodeo, and director, not executive director for USG) and it could be argued my impact didn’t have as much scope as others’ work. My GPA didn’t meet the typical 3.0 minimums (although I’m pleased to announce I shoved myself hard enough my last semester and did end up with at least a 3.0 GPA. dramatic fist pump) and I hadn’t written much on my application.
I had to just move on. These are four years in my life which certainly defined who I am today, but that’s a minimal fraction of my life. The ceremony would be in front of a few friends, peers, and advisors, but otherwise strangers. For what did I need the approval of USC’s administration? Certainly it would have been an honor, but why waste the rest of my days wrapped up in it all, what does needing that validation say of me?
And then the unthinkable happened.
For starters, the amount of support I received from the initial post was unthinkable. I read all the Facebook comments and messages as soon as I received them, in a stupor at a local laundromat at 4am, but I didn’t reply to most of them until late (those comments on Facebook I haven’t at all in attempts to decrease the sudden rise in visibility), and I deeply apologize for that. None of it has been overlooked, and so I’m taking the time now to thank each of you.
Ayman, I am glad to have had the opportunity to have lead and worked alongside you through Program Board. Your comment was the first to make me realize I may have had more impact than I thought.
Euno, you’re right and I wouldn’t have given up any of those seconds, minutes, hours, days spent working for mentors like you. It was an honor to have served under your editorship and it means a lot to have you ever still supporting me.
Daniel, you were always the most down to earth and caring person during the years I had known you through Residential Education. We haven’t really caught up since then, so your support out of the blue meant worlds more than you might have thought. Thank you.
Manny, among the list of amazing Trojans I have known over the years, you lie among the top, so I shouldn’t have to say more about the honor that comes with your praise. Thank you Manny, indeed our work for the students of USC hasn’t finished and like us, they’ll fight on forever.
Daniel, you’ve always advocated for me whenever I sell myself short, and you’re on point as usual. What I’ve come to realize was very much, and almost word for word, influenced by what you’ve highlighted in your comments. Thank you for always helping me see the ways to stand up for myself.
Andy, I’ve seen you fight for so many groups of people, for the wrongs that exist in this world and I’m sorry I only added to that list. You’re right, I’ve done a lot for the student body and I’ll finally admit that sometimes I feel some administrators don’t care about us. So I can sympathize now, for lesser reasons perhaps, but there’s a new fire in me to work for the better.
Razan, you were the very first mentor I had here at USC and you and Gio showed me my first, and longest running family at USC, Student Publications. And from there I was able to do everything else I had learned to do, to become “oh look, there’s Joe Chen running off to some breaking news”, and that wouldn’t have been a thing without you, so thank you Razan. I’ll visit Dubai sometime, I promise!
Mrs. Renzetti (don’t worry, I wasn’t about to refer to you by your given name), James Caldwell still crosses my mind every so often – I’m glad I’ve been able to leave some piece of legacy back home. I’m afraid I won’t be visiting as much anymore now that I’m working out here, but there’s not a week where the Caldwells and my time at JCHS don’t cross my mind. Thank you for being my support during my last years of high school, and even still today.
Andrew, out of everyone I know I think you’ve been able to see the frustrations caused by Student Affairs and USC administration due to your seniority and, like me, involvement in so many departments. I can only imagine how many more times you’re upset by SA than I was in this admittedly petty incident. Thank you for your support, since day one when I was a mere historian intern for Program Board.
Rini, thank you for taking the time to reach out to me by phone the morning after my post and offering to bring this up to Student Affairs. I declined because, as much as I appreciated it, I didn’t feel this was something that you needed to get yourself embroiled in. I am honored to have served under your Vice Presidency and Presidency in USG and you’ve shown me you care immensely about your peers and friends. Thank you for the last two years.
I’ll explain everything pictured here below:
While I was absorbing all of this, and coming to terms with it all, something was developing underfoot. A few friends had accidentally let leak something was brewing, but I had no idea it would be something like this.
Along my path to reaching this final realization, a few acts of kindness brought me further up from the depths of anger and sadness. I have given my thanks in person, but this is just one of the ways I can further express my appreciation.
Katherine W. started something very soon after my initial post, and in the end result over 50 of my friends came together to show that I was so very much appreciated for all that I had done for them, for the community at large. Together, they signed a giant poster created by Kat (still trying to find a way to frame and hang it), letters of appreciation, and the following friends, in crowd-funding style, pooled funds to buy me a GoPro:
Katherine W, Nicholyn C, Diana J, Brianna D, Ayman S, Sarah K, Chelsea Z, Brian A, Irfan F, Calvin L, Monisha B, Stanley C, Alice M, Danni W, Tina T, Steven T, Ryan Y, Hahney Y, Stephen C, David M, Cherrie W, Caitlin T, Natalie Z, Nathan W, Sarkis E, Leo Z, Sheng C, Daniel Z, Andy S, Benjamin D, Katya S, Sara M, Cheyenne C, Jeremy S, Megan P, Christine F, Fred C, Luke S, Jenny D, Josh C, Rona S, Beverly P, Luis V, Saadhya S, Lorna X, Allie S, Adrienne L, Hannah N, Shawn R, Eric W, Michael C, Shawn R, Tiffany C, Ben C, and Megan L.
Comically, the night before any of this happened, Spark SC presented me with a bundle of GoPro accessories which left me rather confused. But it led to me wearing a chest mount during my graduation and yielded this video.
Before all of this, Lorna had also created a Certificate of Highest Excellence for years of dedication and service to the community at large which was presented at the surprise get-together. Lorna, you may call it a small piece of appreciation, but it means more than you can imagine.
Daniel also presented me with a survival shovel-saw-breacher-bottle opener, which now rests at the ready in my trunk. One day I’ll be using it to rescue people trapped in a car somewhere…or maybe just using the bottle opener. But come find me during the zombie apocalypse and you can thank Daniel too.
In truth, I didn’t want to accept any of what I was receiving. I was upset at a higher power, not my friends who had been my peers and colleagues. I was stunned, speechless for a bit, because I couldn’t find a way to express my gratitude, I’m never really good at that. And the work I had done for all of them wasn’t in search for something like…this. Gratitude is always appreciated and they always expressed their thanks for whatever I had done to help. I even wanted to decline the gift of the GoPro – even $10 from each of the participants could be a meal for us starving college students, but it would be a slap in the face for the efforts of Kat and everyone who contributed. Daniel too, the shovel…I’m gonna have a separate conversation and many visits to campus over the next two years for that. I love you all for what you’ve given me and for the chance to have seen the full power of the Trojan family.
Mona C, my advisor for Student Publications, my first and longest home of all four years, saw to the creation of a new award, the Spirit of Student Publications, for extraordinary service, commitment, and dedication to the goals and ideals of both the Daily Trojan student newspaper and El Rodeo yearbook and because she was empathetic for my rejection from the SRA. I got the chance to have a nice dinner with the office’s full-time staff as well, and I got to learn so much about each of them that I hadn’t had the chance to during my initial time at USC. And it only pains me to hear that Student Affairs may be asking changes to be made due to financial restrictions that will alter the landscape that had nurtured me into who I am today. My ties and reasons to return to USC will not end.
And then, the Thursday night before graduation, something even further mind-boggling happened. At the Asian Pacific Graduation Ceremony, David H, my advisor for two years in Residential Student Government found me and expressed that he had heard about what happened with the SRA – he had been one of my advisors who had originally nominated me for the award. He knew how much it meant to me, and with that he presented me with a medal, the same medal that was being awarded to Order of Troy recipients. In my ever-so-frustrating lack of ability to fully express my appreciation, I hugged him and thank him a few times, but I decided not to wear it that night or the following day.
Or ever for that matter. The medal stands to me not necessarily the Order of Troy – I still can’t say I was awarded that honor and have to respect the decisions made by the SRA jury, and the official recipients and their outstanding achievements that are being honored. I kept the medal in my pocket those two days however, as a reminder of David, who was a source of emotional support at the start of one of my harder semesters. I’m keeping the medal as a reminder of the impact that I’ve been able to make, that my efforts for the last four years did mean something, that the people who truly matter and I should be honored to have worked alongside are closer than I had realized.
The USG Unsung Hero award was presented, sadly while I was still working up in the Daily Trojan newsroom during the USG end of year banquet, for always being the go-to guy for help in the office, and the plaque was presented at the end of my final year with Residential Student Government for my work as Public Relations Coordinator. They’re deserving of mention as well, even if they were presented prior to the SRA incident.
I never spoke to the administrators or jury directly behind the committee, probably a fault to my own but also I knew there was no use. Still, my friends campaigned for me, and I ultimately learned about their response. I won’t name names, or quote their responses, but overall it was passed on with apathy – perhaps for good reason on the part of Student Affairs.
In the off chance they’ll again get wind of my posts, I hope they understand I hold no ill-will and had no real intention to paint them in a poor light. To be frank, there were faults along the way of this new process and no one really could have seen what had happened nor corrected or bring it to attention until it was too late. There was nothing in anyone’s power to do rectify the situation at that time.
What’s hurt me more is to realize that – granted you’re in a full-time, salaried position – you’re not always appreciated for all the work you may have to do outside of your job to make your departments prosper, to do traditions like the Senior Dash or the Student Recognition Ceremony, to listen to the concerns of students and often become the target of blame and criticism from the students you serve. I’m still by your side, supporting you as a loyal servant.
I just still plead that the SRA nomination process be reviewed, to prevent something like this from happening again. There are individuals, not just me, who have done so much to further the very same goals and efforts of Student Affairs who were overlooked due to some issues with the process. That’s all I ask.
All Hail to Alma Mater
To thy glory we sing;
All Hail to Southern California
Loud let thy praises ring;
Where Western sky meets Western sea
Our college stands in majesty;
Sing our love to Alma Mater,
Hail, all hail to thee!
I am now a proud product of the University of Southern California Andrew J. Viterbi School of Engineering Bachelor of Science in Computer Science program.
There are two people whom I believe deserve special mention to having helped me through all of this over the course of the last four years. Both helped me get through this critical stage of my life, and to them I deliver an all hail.
The first I met my fourth day (August 25, 2012) at USC and was a part of my first friend group. That friend group for the most part disbanded, yet despite this we still stayed friends and connected. By sophomore year I had finally settled on Computer Science and she was already helping me out when she went abroad and I took a class she had taken the semester before. Since that semester, I’ve had a class with her every semester and to her I owe so much for being able to get through those classes. Even as our college careers came to a close, she provided not only thorough but also profound and enlightening insight into what we have to consider for our paths ahead. So, academically, professionally, and even mentally, you’ve helped me mature and I can’t thank you enough for that. I’m glad things turned out for you and I know you’re going to do amazing things.
The second, I met within my first months (September 7, 2012 and October 4, 2012) at USC but they weren’t a friend just yet. Just someone that I had noticed. It wouldn’t be until I took the plunge and jumped ship from Broadcast and Print Journalism to Mechanical Engineering that I met this hopefully…probably life-long friend. There have been reasons why I shouldn’t be friends with her and instances where I should have lost this friendship, but it would have been losing what I believe is my closest friendship. Our friendship has helped me discover who I am, and she’s helped me to see why I don’t need to worry about what ended up being trivial things and get through some of the most difficult moments of my college tenure, including the SRA incident. She was the partner in crime who made us the envy of Calculus 3 because we were the only ones having fun, agreed to hop a fence and chase the November 2014 Ferguson protest, and said “sure :3” almost every time I texted “bobaaa?”. She housed my homeless butt on multiple occasions, including once with my finger stuck in a soda can while waiting for her to get home… Anyhow, she has been the rock in my mental health at USC, nudged me along when I needed it, and has etched herself into the top of a long list of people I am forever thankful for. I’m thankful I get another semester to bother her while she’s down here in LA, but like I had expressed my sophomore year, I’m afraid of losing friends like her as we part ways physically, but hopefully not socially.
I’ve had a few undergraduate friends ask me the age-old question, “What advice do you have now that you’re graduating?”
Here’s what I told them:
- Avoid burning bridges
There’s a terrible feeling that’s involved with running into someone you’ve known but don’t exactly speak to anymore. At college, you’ve got up to three more years of chances of running into them so why create an environment where ill feelings are brought up. Of course there are relationships that can never be repaired and should be avoided, but I’ve had my fair share of awkward encounters that were soon removed by apologies and attempts to repair friendships/colleagueships (yes, it’s a word). Repair them if you can, because you’ll never know when you might need them. - Build bridges, cross them, and map them
Just as burning bridges will make life a bit more miserable, building them and utilizing them can make your life a great deal more easier. Opportunities came to me because I was resourceful in what I know and who I know. Consignments, jobs, meeting celebrities, insightful learning experiences – I made the most of my time at USC by staying as informed as I could be. A lot of this helped me while I served the Daily Trojan, but it also helped me in a day-to-day. You could ask me the three letter code for just about any building on campus and I could direct you there on the fastest route regardless of construction. My involvement in so many activities gave me the upper hand in knowing what was happening at any one point in time. Subconsciously, this quest for information that drove my journalism career was simply me surrounding myself with a safety blanket of data and preparation. - GPA is important, but it’s not that important
I’ve seen too many a student collapse under the stresses of maintaining a GPA. Yes, a good GPA will matter if you’re pursuing a higher degree or applying for medical school. It’ll help you in your job search (I was certainly hurt in some instances due to my lower GPA), but it’s not worth a toll on your mental health. I’ve been transparent about my GPA, and I’m glad I’ve managed to hit a 3.0 university GPA by the time I graduated, but before that I was a successful course producer (like a teaching assistant, but not a graduate student) and I secured a job for after college. I know people on both sides of the 3.0 GPA who don’t have jobs or other definitions of success, and I know people on both sides who do have those jobs and their definitions of success. Don’t let it be what may drag you down and prevent you from reaching your definition of success, not your parents’, USC’s, or society’s. - Sell yourself
Many of us have grown to think that we have to follow some predefined career path. The typical x-number of year degree, a path of internships whenever you can get them, some stable-income job that your parents want you to have. Of course, there are good reasons why you should pursue all of these, but to get there you don’t have to follow the usual path to get there. I’ve seen so many people feel lesser or become discouraged because they get somewhere near the path, but through non-traditional methods. Maybe it’s transferring colleges because they didn’t get in the first time. Maybe it’s a career path that their parents know to be successful and stable so that’s what they push their kids to follow. Maybe it’s the curriculum and coursework that advisors tell their students. But in the end, each of us have our own skills, and the ability to be unique and determine our own measures of success – who is anyone to judge who you can become and what you should be? All you have to do is sell yourself. - Get those internships
One of my biggest regrets was failing to secure an internship early on. Granted, due to my change in major, I had to take summer classes twice to catch up and thus used up the summer after my freshman year and sophomore year. I worked campus jobs during the year so there was no space for internships and the summer after junior was all I had left, and that was a flop. Internships are key to securing a job after college (they’re not a surefire way of course) but they’re also key to understanding what career you want to (or not want to) pursue. One of the most important skills you’ll need to develop from college is the ability to network professionally, which means being able to converse on the fly and show employers how useful you will be to them. So, go back to Number 4, and sell yourself. - [Computer Science majors] Try for regrades
Another one of my regrets has been not attempting more regrades to receive more points than I did on assignments had I looked at my submissions and reviewed the grading criteria and solutions. Of course, know your situation. Is it worth your time, or should you be working for a better submission for the next assignment? Some courses implement regrade penalties if you haphazardly ask for a regrade when you don’t deserve one, and you waste the grader’s time. But having been on the other side, I know that graders make mistakes and I’ve seen students benefit from reviewing their work and solutions. - Use your swipes
Self explanatory. Did you know EVK has orange-pops and fudge cones now? Like, WHAT? Befriend those underclassmen with meal plans! - [Photographers] Network and prosper
I’ve been able to have quite a lot of side income thanks to my campus jobs, but also through consignments that came from employers approaching me at events and through student connections in different offices. USC departments prefer contracting students than professional photographers sometimes because they can go for cheaper (although fair and not dirt cheap) rates and pay through USC payroll (plus points from USC’s accounting departments).
In the end, I’ve learned one life-long lesson from all of this, and it’s something I learned the moment I came to USC and been able to apply all four years, and it’s to fight on. Fight on for your friends, your family, your mentors, mentees. Fight on for your ideals, your community, the greater good. You may feel yourself hitting a wall of hopelessness or despair, but there’s so much you can achieve if you keep persevering and readjust your focus (badum-tch. Because I’m a photographer. Get it? Ok…)
Last November, I was fortunate enough to have secured a job for after college that would be able to afford me independent living in Orange County (a little less than an hour south of Los Angeles). Set to start on July 5th, I’ll be working as an implementation engineer, a job that’s part consulting and part coding, combining my desire to help others and knack for debugging. I was supposed to start June 1st, but seeing as most of the other college hires have yet to graduate, it’s been moved to July 5th and suddenly the month of June is open to relax.
For the first time since maybe even before high school, I can go to bed on purpose, and not pass out with the lights on after a failed attempt to take just a nap. And I hope it won’t just end once work starts, because I joke that with this change in tempo, with no extracurriculars or juggling three jobs at once, I’ll be staring at a wall most nights. Most of my friends are also up in Los Angeles, which is sometimes three hours and five gallons of gas depending on traffic, so visits are almost entirely bound to weekends.
But I’ll make new friends, like I did when I left a small suburban town in New Jersey for a big city in California. I’m back in some quieter suburbs again, but I moved to Southern California knowing I had a family here. I just didn’t know I’d find so many of them.
Fight on forever.
—
Joseph Chen
Univ. of Southern California
c/o 2016
This post was first drafted on 4 May 2016 and published on 2 June 2016.